Wooden Box

2010-09-11T13:41:00.002-04:00

I can feel a fugue state coming on...
Who knows what will happen post-freakout.
All I need are access to drugs to be my own psychiatrist.
sigh...
I need friends in farther places than 20 blocks down.

FIFTEEN

2010-09-11T11:07:00.000-04:00

"I went to two name brand universities for my bachelor's and master's degrees. No matter how hard I tried, and despite a plus 3.5 GPA, I couldn't land one of those management consulting jobs they have for liberal arts college students that some of my friends landed. After puttering around for ten years post-BA/MA and a lot of soul-searching and analysis of my interests and work habits, I've decided to try to gain admission into pharmacy school. My science credits aren't good anymore (it's been more than 5 years since I graduated), so I have to retake them, according to my state's pharmacy school. I don't have any debt (no loans or credit card debt or anything), but I've been so poorly paid during the past ten years that all I can afford is the local community college for prerequisites. Which isn't a problem for the admissions committee, but suddenly poses a some kind of emotional/psychological problem for me that I hadn't anticipated.

I was raised working class but went to school with people whose parents were really well off and sent to to prestigious schools, camps, trips, etc. It was fairly pretentious, where everyone loved you if you went to Ivy League schools or the top liberal arts colleges. The parents financed the kids' dithering around NYC after graduation and eventually, degrees in something practical when their artistic desires didn't pan out. One friend who did a Master's in Russian Literature at NYU after college decided to go to the Goucher College premed postbac program after a few years of working, courtesy of her parents. Another friend married a guy who paid off her graduate school debt in one fell swoop and she quit her extremely well paid analyst job to have kids. They have a beautiful house and take amazing vacations.

I know I'm working class, but I never really felt working class. I had a friend refer to me as "low income" (which I'm not -- I don't make that much but I'm single, childfree, I can afford rent, and I'm not in debt and I'm able to save, and I don't qualify for welfare).

I'm jealous, and I'm ashamed of being jealous. I should be proud of myself and have higher self-esteem. If I could just accept who I am instead of daydreaming about what I wish I had, and pretending I'm too good for something when I know I'm not, then I could stop feeling like a loser. I know that when I was little, I was really influenced by television and books and by my friends and their families, rather than my own family (my parents had to work alot and were tired when they got home, so there was very little contact or ability to absorb philosophy, and I'm sorry I ever had them pay my tuition to fancy colleges with their hard earned money, which is why I wouldn't ask them for money or help ever).

I also don't want to be the person who complains about how much I have to work and how easy other people have it, and make myself feel better that way. Additionally, I'm living in a place I hate (DC/MD area -- I'd started running out of money towards the end of grad school and took the first job that came my way and changed jobs based on really small rises in pay and perceived stability).

I want to move, but it takes forever to get residency anywhere else and I feel like if I did, I'd be alone and end up homeless or dead or even worse off than I am now. I don't know anyone in the places I'd like to live and I'm generally afraid of strangers now, so I can't make new friends. I have a longtime boyfriend here too (who supports my plans, but thinks all I need to hear is positive statements to feel better), and friends (who are typically too busy to see me but it's not easy making friends with normal people -- everybody already has their friends). I'd love to move to Hawaii or NM, but everybody would love to do that, so I try to be realistic about that and tell myself I have to stay where I can save the most money (here, in ugly, depressing, pretentious yet crappy, low rent, horrible MD) and have some semblance of a personal life (boyfriend and friends), rather than being totally alone and depressed somewhere else.

How do I get a grip on who I am, stop wishing for what can't be, and build real self esteem that isn't based on what schools I'm going to or what career I'm going into (my fancy friends wrinkle their noses at my mention of pharmacy school and suggest I try to go to medical school and attend some expensive postbac program at Georgetown for $1K a credit. I realize that they're just uninformed, but it's irritating and at the same time, makes me feel bad), where I live, or what anyone else might think? I know I'm doing the very best that I can and I should be proud that I'm paying for my own schooling and making all the right decisions for myself, but I just feel so small and alone and scared. At the least, I just want to feel better about leaving my job and going to community college."

http://ask.metafilter.com/157163/When-I-take-stock-I-realize-Im-nothing

I'm fucking jealous of my higher-achieving friends too. I made the mistake of checking up on one of them last night.

FOURTEEN

2010-09-09T12:19:00.002-04:00

I need to get out of school so that I can continue mentally growing-- since it's clear that I've stopped that process since high school.
It's crazy how limited a person can be. Your circuits are just overloaded with 1 goal and you can't devote resources to anything else. There is a threshold present here. Just like an action potential, you can't come to a conclusion about life without putting in a massive amount of time to ponder in one go. All this pitter-patter and multi-tasking is just distracting me from other things I have to do.
I can't believe I'm back here, of all places. There's a certain amount of exhibitionism a blogger has. Even when you don't want certain people to read your thoughts, you can't help but to put them out in a public place so that you at least feel connected and maybe just maybe there's a stranger out there who feels the same way and will respond.
Why am I struggling to remain an idealist? It's stupid.
I think about taking time off from school, but there isn't much left to go and it's a really critical point where all these disparate topics are actually coming together. That would be like dropping a hot pie just before you reach the table. I like pain, so why not just suffer through it a little more.
I found a splinter-cell of an LJ from a long time ago. It's scary how you can fragment yourself into all sorts of personalities. I'm bitter now, but I was so much angrier then. Going there and reading a grand total of 5 entries takes me back. It makes me wonder how I got over that. Maybe I didn't

THIRTEEN- Rotation 3

2008-12-02T17:16:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty fucking pissed with life. Unfortunately, "pissed" seems to be the only word coming out of my mouth these days, and I'm not even describing the actual act of urinating.
I wanted to procrastinate a little and even that was screwed over by the stupid image file not working because it's a tad bit smarter than I thought it was. It's a good thing that there's such things as good Samaritans, and I got a solution for it...it's too bad that it's long-winded and time-consuming to actually execute. Who burns CDs these days anyway??

To complement the wonderful bitchery I'm doing, I decided to "continue my beautiferous music rotation that everyone should love!" I'll be less stingy than 3 songs I guess...whatever.
Oh wait, now I remember. It took EONS for one song to load on that site!

DRINK IT DOWN by L'Arc en Ciel
L'Arc en Ciel, I hate to say it but they're a great band. I have no idea what they're saying, but the melody's enough to carry it out. Lots of J-Rock, definitely tolerable to those unfamiliar with the genre. It makes you want to be a headbanger...with slanted eyes.

Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin
If you've ever watched Shrek 2...3...whatever, the one with all the princesses, then you remember the best scene of the movie which was when they were all fighting and Sleeping Beauty was well...sleeping. That screaming beginning part of the scene is actually from this song, which imho, isn't all that epic, but it's led zeppelin, so whatever. Fun to listen to, not the BEST thing ever. Classic rock, right?

Barrell Roll, Starfox remix by Prototype Raptor
It's a video game remix from OCRemi.org. The memes can be lost on you, I don't particularly care about that, but this is an amazing remix of the soundtrack. Very techno-electronica beat, fast-paced, some laughs with the voice-bytes included.

Der Erlkoenig played by Hilary Hahn
Classical, mostly. Not classical in the technical sense of the word. I forgot who composed this, easy to search but I have exams I need to study for. People might say that the rendition for Dmitiri something or other is better because he "fucks the shit out of the song". First of all, if you're going to listen to this stuff, it's not a song, it's a "piece", moron. And second, he played well but he was totally going for a quicky with the piece. Hahn's technical skills aren't any lower here, the slightly slower version actually conveys the story much better.
Before I get to the story, the piece is daaaark. Not too emo-dark, but it's obviously not something upbeat. Very gothic kind of vampiric quality. Not a slow piece, so it should be a good starter for those who aren't too into instrumentals.
Story: courtesy of wikipedia.

Who rides, so late, through night and wind?
It is the father with his child.
He holds the boy in the crook of his arm
He holds him safe, he keeps him warm.

"My son, why do you hide your face so anxiously?"
"Father, do you not see the Erlking?
The Erlking with crown and cloak?"
"My son, it's a wisp of fog."

"You lovely child, come, go with me!
Many a beautiful game I'll play with you;
Some colorful flowers are on the shore,
My mother has many golden robes."

"My father, my father, can't you hear,
What the Erlking quietly promised me?"
"Be calm, stay calm, my child;
The wind rustles through dry leaves."

"Do you want to come with me, fine lad?
My daughters should be waiting for you;
My daughters lead the nightly dances
And will rock and dance and sing you to sleep."

"My father, my father, can't you see there,
The Erlking's daughters in the gloomy place?"
"My son, my son, I see it well:
The old willows seem so gray."

"I love you, your beautiful form entices me;
And if you're not willing, I shall use force."
"My father, my father, he's grabbing me now!
The Erlking has wounded me!"

The father shudders; he rides swiftly,
He holds in his arms the moaning child.
Barely he arrives at the yard in urgency;
In his arms, the child was dead.

TWELVE

2007-11-04T12:32:00.001-05:00

Speaking of "twelve", I saw "twelfth night", and it was wonderful. Perhaps it was the fact that I was behind the barrel of a camera for the entire performance, but I felt a little disenchanted. I think I have to not go into that building anymore, it's not...good for me. At least for my mental growth, but lord knows how much of a juvenile I am within these neurons.
I think I have to stop being apologetic. (And then I think, but I am such a mean person). Because every time I do something, I stop and say that I'm sorry. Perhaps this is a vicious cycle...who knows.

blahblahblah

ELEVEN

2007-09-19T09:07:00.001-04:00

It's weird because I still feel like I'm on vacation even though I'm clearly not.
Vacations really bother me. You have two types, the kind you bum around on and the kind you do touristy things on. I'm not sure which is the "real" or "better" way to spend your time. One one hand, the "bum vacation" seems like a total waste of time because you're essentially celebrating that you're doing nothing. Then again, you're not running around from place to place for a week or more trying to fit as many things to do as possible. But then we come to the "tourist vacation". We can call that really hectic because sometimes you don't even know when you'll eat, your feet will hurt, and you can't make a tour and there goes your entire plan. But, you can also argue it's a better use of your time; you're learning about something new!

Blah, whatever. My dad wants the first, my mom wants the second, hence we do the second all the time, which I don't think is too bad. I just wonder sometimes, would I like the first? And then I look at all my unfinished work...haha.

TEN

2007-08-09T16:18:00.000-04:00

I would love to have a photoblog, or for that matter, just a plain photojournal down on canvas paper. Unfortunately, this means I will need a camera. I don't. And I don't think I'll get one anytime soon. What I'm aiming for now is an electric violin, but who knows when that will appear underneath my pillow.

The North is so cold, windy, sunny, and well, to put it short, I can completely understand why anglo-saxons are so white...there's just no need for melanin at all. I was a little let down by this city, but what can I expect: it's not the mainland! In all honestly, we wasted an entire day with my romantic fascination with fossils...we should have gone westward into the National Park or to the Smuggler's Cove. What we're supposed to do in the good old Nova of Scotia, is enjoy the natural beauty, not try to go shopping...nooo, not at all, that was a bad move.
I wanted to make a special present for a friend...thinking about it. But it stings so much when you realize that you might never see them again. And that well...all that thought and effort was wasted. I overextend myself too much...is that something to be fixed or not? I think I need to call up a print company...regardless, eh? I would also like to buy a messenger bag that I can trash and put my patches on (finally), oh but when will I do that!? The summer is just too damn short.

NINE

2007-08-03T20:47:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's just me hanging back, but I don't feel that integrated at all.
Ugh. I disgust myself. School is starting to seem like a real drag already.
On the bright side, sort of, I finally went to the store and bought the colerase pencils I was pining after. But along with those, (since I decided the extra two dollars for the trip wasn't worth only 2 pencils) I got these really cool markers I always play around with and a sketch notebook. I have to promise myself, that this will be the sketch notebook I always use. I also have to promise myself to make a portfolio, but you know, it's easier to say that I'll use that sketchbook. So the markers, I shall have to learn how to use. I was very surprised though, that the prismacolor ones were worth a dollar more...I mean, this blend!!!

Okay, enough nonesense.

I do feel stifled though. Awfully, by Park. Although he's a great help...I think he wants my soul in return.

EIGHT

2007-07-30T19:28:00.000-04:00

A lot of people say that high school is just the cusp of life, that college is when everything really starts...but for some reason, I don't think I'm making that transition (very well). I feel like I'm clinging onto whatever high school I have left, albeit burning bridges along the way. I've been spending way too much time with Park (nicknames will now run abound). He's been incredibly accommodating, but I really think that's due more to his free time. Strange, I've been very unreceptive to him for a very long time, and he's the only one who comes around. I used to think that I was great at making friends, just not at keeping them. Lately, I've been thinking that I just suck at making good friends.

I can't deny that I'm a stubborn ass at times. But I do think that in exchange for some of my selflessness and my genuine kindness (wow, this sounds terrible), I should get some in return. I've been seeing the complete opposite from these people who I've entrusted my heart with. It all sounds very dramatic, but let me assure you, I'm at complete peace with myself and everything. I couldn't be writing this with a straighter and perhaps, boreder, face. It's either been that sort of betrayal, or a sudden welling of immaturity that's been popping up. Am I expecting too much? I'm really sick of putting myself down. I think that I need to get rid of this insecurity, even if it costs me things I liked.

New school started off with a blast, but now it's not so great anymore. Cliques have been forming rapidly, and I thought I was "safe", nestled within the "normal" group. It's really not true. I've already set up an image for myself that I'm not entirely happy with. (When will I ever be happy) I already feel like a loner. It's like 7th grade all over again. I miss my Russian. But he's liable to be exactly like Red.

SEVEN- Rotation 2

2007-07-26T05:16:00.001-04:00

Agh, missed the date for the rotation, not that it matters. For once, I want someone sapping ( just a bit ) of my bandwidth.

I've been...exhausted, for lack of a better word. I don't really know why. Looking back, yes, I do stay up past "bedtime", but I don't think an hour or two over is really that bad. Yet, I wake up and I'm just "bl;ajlsdka" and can't get up. I'm starting to think that it's a lack of discipline on my part. (Half of me laughs while the other is gravely serious about this). I think I just think I'm tired and will myself to be tired. I'm so frustrated when I look at other people who are infinitely more busy than I am and aren't crashing every other second.
So to it's time to list things so that I remember what I'm doing.
-Lab assistant to be.
-Dinner with Sabra
-Scanning and Inking HP7 pictures.
-Scanning, Inking, and Sending to a print company Kashfi stickers.
-Tuition
-Placing out of dumb classes.

Augh. Okay, those are like...my projects. I've still got to do a bunch of other things like the last two items on the list and doing homework for the summer I know I'll never do.

The lab with Broddy (which I will call her for now and forevermore) was "fun". I mean...it was okay for my first time in a real lab. But I wish I had brought a sweater, several million snacks, and glasses, because I was freezing, starving, and blind from the computer. It's also kind of scary when your photoshop skills come in handy in a lab, I was like, celebrity for the day. But honestly, I never want to do drawings on the computer for all the graphs ever again. Ever. Oh...she also had big, bigggg rats in her lab. They were kind of cute in a gross way. I don't usually say gross to any animal, but when they have electrodes sticking out of their brains and then they scratch at them...that's kind of gross.

I pigged out on chinese food later...and then made like a zombie for home. My head was killing me by the time I got there and then I crashed onto the bed and woke up about 2 hours ago today. It's kind of nice in the morning. Once you get up, it's very productive feeling and peaceful. I only don't like it because I feel a bit rushed since it's the morning...bleh. I don't know why there's an awful rumbling outside of my window. It's 5 in the morning for god's sake.

I don't know what to say. Entires get lamer every number. No character development for me! Sounds a lot like something I read this past week... In any case, I would just want to say that Broddy = Mrs. Weasley. At least, my vision of it. Maybe the fictional lady would be a bit taller, freckles included of course.

Rotation 2

1. Shell by Bana
From the anime Witch Hunter Robin. It's rocky, the kind of thing you listen to after downing a couple shots and thinking of how life sorta sucks. It's really not as emo as I make it sound. Great guitar, it's just mellow.

2. Cuidarte el Alma by Chayanne
It makes you sad, in a nice way. The words, if you understand, not so much. It's got a slight ballad feel to it. Chayanne's newer stuff isn't that great though. He's kind of like the Hispanic Justin Timberlake, you can see the order of succession.

3. Soramimi Cake from Azumanga Daioh
This is a ridonkulus song. That spelling of the word, yeah, it make you feel that way. You look at it, and you're like "what!?" and then you start laughing because it's so bizarre. The opening for this anime (Azumanga...) is very bouncy and the music is appropriately bouncy as well. If you're sad, this should make you happy. If you're happy, this should make you insane.

These songs are for personal and trial use only. Delete them after 24 hours. This is only for sampling and appreciation purposes. You are downloading these songs with these conditions in mind.

SIX

2007-07-22T00:25:00.000-04:00

It may sound callous, upon hearing the whole story. But, I feel really good now. He would never be able to understand nor forgive me for doing what I'm thought about for the past two days, but I really think it was for the best. I just feel very liberated, and very justified. At peace, you might say.

Anger is such a poison.

FIVE

2007-07-21T11:37:00.000-04:00

I can even begin to describe how upset and frustrated I was last night.
I actually don't want to talk about it much. In any case, I finally figured out that those are the people that I really don't need or should extend my thoughts to. And that's really such a pity. They always think it's a joke or something. Am I not being serious enough?

Much drama. I will return to watching SG1-Season ten and make restaurant reservations.

FOUR- Rotation 1

2007-07-16T18:58:00.000-04:00

I've decided to try and keep up an mp3 rotation for as long as I can keep it up. I'm going to put a disclaimer at the end of every like 3 songs so that I'm clear...mostly.

Today felt kind of productive. Really dumb at times because I answered stupidly to a few Chemistry questions. Whatever, I will get them right next time!! I went and filled out the rest of the paperwork for work. I'm so glad that's out of the way since it's been taking way too long. I feel humbled as well because people are talking spanish around me and I made really idiotic mistakes in writing a few sentences. Ugh. Esta comida?!?! How could I write that?! Blaahahahahskjdashdaksdajshdh shame shame shame!

Rotation 1:

1. Sorafune by TOKIO
This is actually the main vocal song for a J-Drama, My Boss My Hero. First, if you haven't already watched this, you should get over to Youtube and get to it! I'm not a big fan of all things Japanese. I do find a lot of the media either too pervy or too fluffy, but this is insanely perfect. Since it's a comedy, you'll have to suspend your belief for a few moments, but it's really worth your time. Rambling on, the basic summary is that Sakaki Makio is the son of a mob boss, but being too stupid to carry out normal operations, is sent back to High school as a test of his worth. During this journey, he figures out life, love, and what it means to be a good citizen...sorta.
Very catchy song. Great guitar. A little repetitive, but good nonetheless.

2. Requiem by Michiru Oshima, orchestral piece

This is from the Full Metal Alchemist OVA soundtrack. It's really beautiful because it's this intricate blend of both happiness and intense sorrow. There's a definite gypsy tilt to it, mostly because in the movie it's performed by gypsy-like people.

3. Angel Theme, composer unknown.

The Angel theme. What more can I say? Short because it's the opening of a show, but so haunting. It leaves and indelible impression. If you haven't already heard this, download it, now.

These songs are for personal and trial use only. Delete them after 24 hours. This is only for sampling and appreciation purposes. You are downloading these songs with these conditions in mind.

THREE

2007-07-15T22:00:00.000-04:00

My sister's come back from band camp. My time of peace has been shattered. For now, she's got a good temperament...my parents don't. Ugh. I hate this imbalance.
Anyway, I'm playing music, and I put on the MacGyver theme and I ask my sister what it is to quiz her. My brother suddenly shouts at the chorus that it's so "familiar", which in itself is funny since he's 8.
"It's Sailor Moon or something!"
I stare.
My sister asks what it is as it winds down.
"It's Macgyver"

Insanity. Sailor Moon?!

TWO

2007-07-15T17:40:00.000-04:00

I would just like to open with that, I hate dust.
It's gotten into every nook and cranny that my laptop and said accessories' have. It's also infuriating since I don't know if I should continue to be OCD and wiping everything every hour or so.

The Summer is really awful. Unless you have some sort of a major project and lots of undying devotion, there's nothing to do except bother people. By bother, I really do mean in that annoying way the fly buzzes in your ear. I have a designated "bother-person," but ever since a slip of the tongue on their part, I've rethought about calling them up every time I pick up the phone. I guess I'm lucky to have someone to do that to. But since college is starting up, and with a new environment comes new friends, I don't know if I can keep this up. I think I may give in in a few moments and punch in the number...

Speaking of summers, I remember my 8th grade summer. I think it's probably because 8th grade was the best year I ever had. I thought I was so old then. ...Actually, I thought that every year, so that I kept readjusting my age for certain fantasies to make it seem "more realistic". Why is that anyway? In the back of my head, I know I will become older, and yet I still believe, really viscerally believe that twelve is a magic number. I think maybe it has to do with the amount of ignorance we have, or the knowledge of things to come that hasn't been filled in yet. ie: college, tuition bills, paying for books, staying at home or not, the reality of never being able to have a dog after this. All that extra energy (and there's a lot of it) is focused on making an alternate dimension where everything is perfect, or imperfectly perfect (only someone who's been into FF as long as me would understand this...fodder for another day). Now well...who can say which is the illusion and which is the reality, but I can't even spare the smallest amount of time to those sort of things. When I try, I hit this wall. I just can't go any further. It's scary, a bit... because where did that go? I read older stuff and see that it's actually really quite bad, horrible, distasteful even, but it's got a feeling of authenticity to it. Now, it's all fake, fake, fake. The English professor for the summer said that a good writer goes through 1000 bad pages, he then added that we had all gone through about 200. I beg to differ. I'd have to say at least 4-500. But it's the same principle I guess: I have to reframe the way I look at things (after going through that horribly long practice period).

Inside, I do still feel like a 12 year old. If I refer to the Red Book, then 15. I want to keep it that way though. I like it when things are "innocent", "pristine". What I think I really mean is genuine. It's so hard to come across that. There are nice people, really nice people, and they're still not this definition of the word I call "genuine". This sort of person doesn't have to get along with me. This person doesn't have to like the things I do. This person is preferably about the same age I am (ha ha). But this person is someone who I can actually trust my life with. Someone who will be brutally honest. Someone who I can be in a couch with through a night and not think that anything bad or seriously serious/stupid will happen. Someone who wouldn't mind going on an unplanned adventure with me if we both had the time. If we're going to put it really out there... I would truly appreciate, and am looking for: someone, who if faced with a choice, to come with me and do amazing things like saving the world, but not knowing how. This person would risk their life to come after me if I fell behind. They would be my lifelong companion and be amazing just because they're true to their heart and actions.

If I take a step back and reread everything I wrote, I can firmly say that this request is absolutely ridiculous. But when I listen to this yearning inside me... I can honestly say that I think there is someone out there like this because I exist. It sounds so vain and stupid and ridiculous, especially for me because I have these spurts of very sharp sarcasm and pessimism, but...I believe it.
I think too though, I will never come across them. It's altogether too impossible and too scary for the other person.

So said person is to be only alive in writing. Said person will be very hard to find in 3d. Hopefully, said person is writing something akin to this.

ONE

2007-07-15T12:46:00.000-04:00

I figure since people are actually moving to blogger, I may as well reanimate my blog. Then again, I will most probably fall behind updating this. The only thing I haven't done that with is xanga...sadly. There's probably some sort of theorem out there stating which blogging thing goes well with which age group...because there's a definite correspondence.

I need to write in my real journal more...I always say that, but it's true. I mean, what will last longer, 0001010s or paper? I just...I guess I'm wasting time and words, just go do it, right? Yeah...my problem. Speaking of problems-- She's right... but so am I. I mean, off on a tangent here (but that's what they made these things for) I do avoid things, but I like to think I'm terribly direct with other things. Maybe it's the spirit of procrastination that seeps into everything. I think I have the right to not want to know something. Is that the same thing as avoiding something? And when I said "avoid" I mean, being the really evasive idiot type that refuses to recognize problems. ...I really don't think it's the same. And am I thinking too much if I try to change my mind when someone brings that up? Augh, I'm really disgusted by both sides. The only solution I can come up with that I'm happy about is to just live the way I want to/see fit without thinking of what others might think.

Watching Spanglish now. I'm surprised that Adam Sandler gave such a good performance for a movie that starts and ends seriously. It's so....tasteful. I think that once I get some more pocket money, I will actually buy the DVD. Oh God, the emotional highride this is pulling me through. I'm just not going to write anything about this movie yet since I'm not finished.

I want to practice my spanish. I feel this insane need to study it all over again. I feel really dumb to have given my books away. I think I'm going to read some books...

This amounted to nothing.

"Is this what you want for yourself? To become someone very different...than me?"
-Spanglish

7.

2007-05-31T00:26:00.000-04:00

Endings.
So bittersweet.
Premature goodbye? I
think not-- we're all preparing
to shatter anyway-- quickly
or slowly, it's all a matter
of time.

6.

2007-05-14T05:38:00.001-04:00

So sick, not fair.
Misperceptions not fun.
Self-sufficiency wreaks havoc.

5.

2007-04-05T11:26:00.000-04:00

College is really nerve-wracking...
It's all Pass/Fail, and if it turns out well, it's great. If it doesn't...it's
great 3 years later...hah.
Thanks goodness for faith eh?
I need to make new connections, fast.

4.

2007-03-20T21:43:00.000-04:00

Getting things done is one of the best things in world.
So...flash drives are (correction) one of my best friends.
Heard kids arguing about the suckines of one-shots. Shut up, honestly. It's not your place.
You're too short and annoying anyway. Get through puberty first.

Happy. Kind of.
Unfulfilled perhaps.

3.

2007-03-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

Time travels amazingly fast in committees.
Italian boys want to come to America.
Paraguay, aka, German-boy, was agreed to be the cutest thing ever.
It was also agreed that Spain was the shaded character ever...for sending over interesting notes to Paraguay.
Nothing better really, than having to walk wall-papered people downstairs.
Wall-paper is meant to sound stupid.
I did some home-reconstruction myself.

2.

2007-02-15T20:47:00.000-05:00

Scifi brings us all closer together.
Major props to making a new connection
through the "most porn-filled book written" ever.

Nothing much. Life's minutes really.

Speaking of minutes, 15 minute walkout.
"Resist the Authority-- for a little while!"
We love you Mr. psuedo-Mark.

1.

2007-01-31T22:30:00.000-05:00

Hah.
It's just really funny.
I guess.
"It's only us"

I don't like this new shitty thing. Chances are, I can't post.

Fleeing the Scene of the Crime

2006-05-15T18:16:00.000-04:00

The sun goes down in the twilight
Now's the time we sing along our goodbye
I hear you whisper in my dreams
From now, and on and on forever

So sing my love, one more time
We never meet no second time
-Noir

En un lugar diferente, tal vez, me veras.

Just stop the ride

2006-05-14T21:46:00.000-04:00

Everything is going out of control.
You can't stop a whirlwind.

2006-05-14T10:52:00.000-04:00

Cereal must be bad for me.
Term Paper countdown begins.

2006-05-09T17:20:00.000-04:00

Finally, something I agree with.

Here

2006-05-08T22:06:00.000-04:00

Nothing can stand against starlight

2006-05-08T17:19:00.000-04:00

No hay un hombre como El Alquimista.
Me torturo con este fantasía.
Pero ahora sé, y nunca saliré mis libros.
Eso es que libros son bueno para.
Me entretengo. (En una manera muy triste)

La razón---
no quiero decir de lo
necios, todos son necios.
Que Lástima.

2006-05-07T22:21:00.000-04:00

Se me duele la cabeza
y la corazón, pero qué puedo hacer?
Ja
Jajajaja

groin

2006-05-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

Haha... I did not know that.
Wait...how do you know that.

La continuación

2006-05-03T18:28:00.000-04:00

Cuando yo andaba por la calle hoy, pensaba de un cuento sobre nosotros (las personas en mi cuento de la fantasía final). Pienso que está cuento fue una continuación del cuento escribí. Recuerdo que estaba en mi clase de ingles, y como hoy (en está misma clase), Andrew habló de frisbee y sus zapatos nuevos, cuando hablé que una person no necesita estos zapatos. Luego, Señor Zegers dijo que no. Despues, (ahora en mi cuento), se me duele la cabeza, y me exenté, pero mientras caminaba, me desmayé, y como en mi cuento, Ben tenía las pesadillas sobre el fin de nuestra vida, tuvé pesadillas...más como memorías que antes, me faltan.
Y yo me desperté.
De pronto, fue cogido con una sentimiento de miedo para Ben... empecé llamar para él...pero todas las personas en este clase estaban confundados...-¿De qué hablas Carlota? No hay una person con el nombre Ben.
Echo de menos de él. Me recuerde toda cosa, ¿pero qué pasó? ¿Dónde estuvieron mis amigos?
No puedo recordarme ahora, pero pienso que algo pasó porque la estructura del universo fue rasgado, y para que para esto daño arreglado, nuestras memorías fueron borradas.

*sé que la frase está equivocada

En mi mente

2006-05-03T18:20:00.000-04:00

Estoy furiosa!
Y ahora, pregunto a mi mismo: ¿por qué siempre enojada? ¿Hay una razón?
Luego, pienso de que todas las cosas que han pasado, y pienso, Quizás me miento.
¿Esto mundo es una lugar triste, no?

Tal vez, será bien.

2006-05-01T18:21:00.000-04:00

Guess who was freezing for her own expense all day today and didn't get an ounce of recognition.
Really, even something along the lines of. "oh... it's blue," would have been a great improvement.

Can't remember the bomb's name!

2006-04-30T18:10:00.000-04:00

2nd time I've had the identical dream.
I'm me, but a little weird. I spent my time finding and building this great machine named after this famous guy's last name which I can't remember, and bring my sister along as my safety. This machine is built in an elevator shaft of a very tall and abandoned building. I call up the elevator, and open up the door to hook my harness onto it and we go up. I'm in the machine that I built, between two elevators. There is a very very bright light at the top, that's the device. And my cell phone rings and the person on the other end, not my sister says, "Don't you know that a ____ was just a bomb?" and I start freaking out. Of course by this time my face is pressed up to the bright light thing which is getting hotter and hotter by the minute and is burning half of my face off. I call up my sister and tell her it was all a big mistake, she doesn't really do anything. And after a few more minutes of freaking out and mentally writing my will, I try something crazy-- opening up the door, and voila, I'm out. Sure, I blink my eyes a few times because I've been blinded and can't climb out if I can't see, but the puzzle was solved and the dream stopped continuing, I could just walk around while everything was in a frozen state.
Then I got bored and annoyed since I couldn't find out what happened to me, and woke up. I had Amsco underneath my head and my arms glued stiffly to my sides and the sun was shining directly on my face. I couldn't speak for a while either.

2006-04-26T14:40:00.000-04:00

...stupid

Final Words. (again)

2006-04-14T07:14:00.000-04:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I wrote a 5 page long entry, and then my dad turned off the computer!!!!
Quick condensation of what I did write:
Look what I found!

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

Submitted by: Lori Cureton

Back when my husband and I were dating we
always played around with how we kissed each other. One day I did a sucking kiss on him and I broke the string that is connected underneath your tongue.

We laugh about it now but at the time he was in lots of pain.

FALLING FOR HIM

Submitted by: Amber Campbell

I was very nervous before my first kiss. I knew that the guy planned to kiss me that night because he had asked me if it would be ok earlier in the day. Anyways, I got so worked up that when the moment came, he kissed me & I fainted. I was sooo embarrassed. That was over 8 years ago & to this day I still see the guy. He's a good friend of the family. He still likes to tease me about it.

Around 6 I think, sun was setting and there were these series of 2 minute showers.
It really was the perfect transcendentalist weather, for me at least. I just felt so swayed by everything, the darkening sky, thunder, rain. I leaned out over my balcony and stretched my arms out and wanted so much more...to maybe just lie down on the driveway and never close my eyes.

Strange patch of backlighting.

So I also wanted to call to burst: "I'm not afraid of slugs anymore!!" But my sister tossed my phone away somewhere obscure... (ugh). I realized as I was going home, it was a hysterical movie. I guess my brain just needs some time to figure that out.
That would mean my favorite part was when Brenda goes:
"I think something's wrong with me... ...can you hand me that possum over there?"

I did leave you without doing one thing though... which would have been to just hold you there for another minute or two. You're beautiful, I love you.

Resolution

2006-04-10T23:31:00.000-04:00

You know, I realized that I think way too much, and that I can just disregard everything I've ever worried about because it's not fair to myself and they're not playing by the rules anyway.

If only I could just stop being stupidly afraid.

Today was kind of a waste. The highlights were basically lunch, and meeting Matt's mom, the fact that he/you were there the entire time is kind of a given.

...we had one meeting and left, basically. lakjsdlakjsd.
And I think I accidentally skipped orchestra...

What else... Oh, I had a passing dream about Jinsu, something about me going through his locker and finding out it was his...very bizzare.
We celebrated the 2nd part of my dad's birthday today, so there was cake.
My dad found out I busted my computer and is busting his chops in order to fix it, I wish he'd go to sleep.
I wish I could do my work faster... I really could be asleep by now. It must be the hidden guilt and worry about various things that just aren't letting me get any rest. I need to pack for Peru. I think this also is kind of pointless, but I really have to make myself enjoy it or else it will be a real waste. ...but there are those ...other things. This is where I start to shout at myself to be uninhibited and that I'm really being an ass. Rules are out dammit, out out out. I don't need to think about playing by them.

...I hope that's enough.
I really could be doing better things....
Thursday no school .... I'm going to try to go shopping for suitable clothes then and convince my mom to let me out of the house. Hopefully...

Bubble Girl

2006-04-05T15:45:00.000-04:00

So how about today for scary encounters. While I'm doing some research for my term paper in the library, this black kid keeps walking up and down the aisles, seemingly looking for a seat. When I sit down, he sits down at my table. Only ten minutes later does he start to make alarming advances on me and I get extremely uncomfortable. Short and Long of it, I repulse him, and he claims, "It never happened, ok?"
For one, I really don't understand how this world works if people like him exist and think it's okay to just go up to someone and say as an opening statement, "You know (No, I don't know), I have a thing for Asian girls". Not to mention, he did it in the Asian-nexus of New York (with the exception of NY, NY Chinatown). Is this just a sign from God Almighty that I should really shed my idealistic views that people like that don't exist? Because this all just boils down to how there is a noble class and low class in life. I like to just believe that the people in school are the only types of people that exist outside of school, after all, as a student you get all sorts of immunities from real life. Free metrocard, no worries about rent and eviction or shopping for food (most cases), only hw and tests, discounted tickets, etc, etc. But once you graduate college I suppose, that's all pretty much gone, and you have to start over again. From then on, you haven't got anything to fall back on, you're just this adult that needs to get a job quickly...and then, you could be crazy and uncivillized, or an intellectual individual.

Ugh.
I started on a good rant, now I'm just lost. I don't want to go on.
I'm eating brownie, HAHAHAHAA.

Holy snap!

2006-04-02T23:45:00.000-04:00

This is absolutely amazing, I can't believe it took this long to figure out: Cure to Information Overload

2006-04-02T16:51:00.000-04:00

ARG!

[edit]
most applicable line from Blade:
*upon seeing that the true world of the vampires is essentially a gigantic nightclub*
"This is ridiculous!"

Una cadena no mas importante

2006-03-26T17:44:00.000-05:00

-When you just get so frustrated you don't know what to do except for
vent, but know that it's something you should keep inside and not out.
And then you think that maybe you should just keep it hidden away a
gain, or just not think about it since it worked so well before. Or perha
ps this is just normal and the way things are going to be. no wait, corre
ction, the last guess is right, I'm just unwilling to accept.

Back to reading Inferno and Five Rings. Back to the Lost Tales? I thin
k rather, it's time to change with the tide... but... I'd prefer not to.

2006-03-26T13:10:00.000-05:00

Porque el pajaro llora cuando el pajario salga la casa?
Porque el sol cae despues de un dia alta en el aire?

Porque la escritor se siente como su corazon ha rasgado cuando---

"Cuando mas lo quiere mas cosas pierdes , Cuando no quieres que se acabe mas pronto se te sale.
Nunca dura tu primer amor , y menos si el ni te quiere."
-Karen

art/write

2006-03-18T21:58:00.000-05:00

The return of the Mathematician and Writer? I guess... Angela's right, I do need to work on more original stuff, but I'm so caught up in ready-made universes...

I can't think of a name for her, I'm really refraining from Eliza, lest it become too obvious.
She's so reserved, emersed in her numbers...he's capricious, childlike, flightly...

bah. I suck at painter. I think I'm the one who's too flighty to really sit down and pursue this.
Augh, I don't know why he came out so asian...then again, I'm not very good at other faces. Bloody hell, I hate using photo refs...I always end up copying them.
I guess this picture is something akin to when he's all twirling around in the market square singing absurb things.

Ahh screw this, another 30 minutes and my tablet refuses to recognize tilt. I quit.

[edit]

This is James Stevenson many years later.

Why Teachers Are So Interesting

2006-03-15T21:57:00.000-05:00

Hunter Hilites 2001-2

Page 5 contains an interesting essay that describes an English teacher in an entertaining manner.
Now one would wonder what would encite such interest in teachers, particularly ones in Hunter.
I believe it's because of the abundance of information about the teachers that is available. If you type the name "Kip Zegers," or "Helen Brand," you immediatly get the right hits that tell you where they've been while not in the classroom, and of course, anything that you don't know about is interesting stuff.

It seems now that I remember that I had no idea who my teachers were went I was beginning to reach intellectual consciousness, circa upper elementary to middle school. Their first names were not given out, and the privilege that younger children had had now disappeared.

So Hunter's very nature is just calling the freaks out from hiding. Moral of the story, the Z-man shouldn't bitch about the weirdos in his classes.

FREAKING OUT OVER SMALL TRIFLES

2006-03-15T03:28:00.000-05:00

SINCE WHEN DID I NEED A BLOODY HANDBAG FOR SEMI?
ON THAT NOTE:
WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT MY SHOES, HAIR, DRESS?!

WHY DO I HAVE A PAPERCUT ON ME!?!
OH RIGHT, THE 7 DRAFTS OF THE ENGLISH TERM PAPER I SHOULD HAVE FINISHED DAYS AGO

WHY DOES LIFE SUCK?
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, IT'S NOT 42 ANYMORE.

The Walrus and the Carpenter

2006-03-06T20:48:00.000-05:00

Because you know, the Walrus is obviously a symbol of the Asian gods conglomerated into one generally fat and animalistic being, and the Carpenter is God in the form of Jesus' foster father.

Poem

I haven't much to say except that I wish I could purchase sleep, just like purchasing grades. I would give up a sliver of my soul for grades, and big bucks for sleep. Think about it, the ultimate enterprise!

Reading Up

2006-02-28T03:31:00.000-05:00

"This might have something to do with why no one reads my blog anymore. Where did my muse go? Possibly back to Greece, but if so, she'll be back this weekend..."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh *girly scream*

Okay well...it's 3:28 AM. I went to sleep after I got home from Rep, and told my parents to wake me up at 11...didn't work. I'm kind of freaking out over HUNs, and my internet isn't working, so I'm trying to steal my neighbor's connection. It's not really stealing if they haven't got it locked you know...

Anyhow. I've managed to get a surprising amount of work done providing the time I'm up at.

I'm kind of annoyed at the superficiality of my friends. No one who's reading this of course... but there are some, or rather one in particular I'm thinking of. But then see...my practical part of the brain comes into play and I think, "Well, I don't have to be close friends with them... I could just use them for whatever," and then I get horribly guilty...and annoyed.
It's really nothing though I suppose. I've learned not to rely on them for anything significant.

I'm exhausted.

What else...

There are so many pictures from the Greece trip, I don't think I should put them up now-- maybe during the weekend...which I actually don't have to myself, damn. I guess I'll just show a few. I hate Rep, I hate Rep, I hate Rep. I've already decided not to even join anything like it next year.

I'm uploading 220 pictures now to Webshots, but I might have to make another account to host the rest... So many...!!!1

Greece Pictures (Part One)

Nostalgia?

2006-02-12T10:15:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I wrote an extensive amount of words on my dead LJ. It might be because of Joe's presence there and his crazy posts. I couldn't go to Nyscef...oh well.

Anyway...I guess I wanted to comment on the obscene amount of snow falling down.
Ben says: The snow falls. The descending flakes are like the dropping spirits of my soul, blanketing my happiness with a cold, damp depression. Or something.

I say: A child somewhere far up above is hiding a cake from her parents and dousing it with powdered sugar, trying to sweeten the strange-colored pastry. They tell her never to touch the orbs they keep, they call them cakes for fun-- but they never eat them.

She likes the way the white piles up and how it falls over when she tilts her hand a bit. She likes....

p-dump

2006-02-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

Kate and Leopold

2006-02-09T00:35:00.000-05:00

What I had to do:
English homework
Social Studies homework
Physics
Math
Spanish

What I did do:
Talk to Zoe
Physics
Math
Watch Kate and Leopold
Research Machu Picchu

Oh god, I just remembered that I have to print out my passport. Okay, now that it took me forever to figure out that my computer is stupid and needs another two programs to dictate how big to print something out, I can finally write something. The only itty bitty problem is that I really need to go to sleep because I have the concert tomorrow. God....

I'm also watching Kate and Leopold, which really isn't helping me get my work done. And if you haven't watched it (anyone really), do so before dying. In fact, I need to make a "must watch movies before you die" list. This is one of my favorite quotes:

[Has chased and cornered a bag snatcher, while on horseback]
Leopold: I warn you scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain.
[bag snatcher throws down the bag an flees, onlookers applaud]
(from IMDB)

Leopold: Otis always told me love is a leap...lamentably, I was never inspired to jump

*screams*
I watch too many romantic (comedy) movies for my own good. It's probably the effect of years of fanfic writing, I think I started since I was 7...lol

Ahh...what else? Ms. Chapnick seems to notice I have a personality, but Mr. Diaz is just pissed off whenever he realizes I'm in his class...and Mr. Zegers was just like, "You should have said that in class" while not even looking at me. I want to --- let your imagination fill in the blank.

Philosophically ...? Perhaps not... but I really believe that the poems we're reading in class aren't being read for what they were written for my the authors since the way they so painstakingly wrote unconventionally makes me think that they wanted it to be a private experience. In fact, Dickinson's poems' look like they're supposed to be read part aloud and part in the head...the dashes aren't mean to be read I think, they're too disruptive and you end up fabricating all sorts of conclusions that she probably didn't want you to think about. In fact, the punctuation is so distracting, you usually get too hung up on that to get to anything else. That's my two cents.

First Date/edit

2006-02-03T20:58:00.000-05:00

What can I say? It was by no means perfect, but ideal I suppose. *giggles* Ack, I'm so immature. Heck, in the middle of a funeral I'd probably end up laughing if I saw some kid picking their nose.

Aside from that, I had a lovely time. *goes off to write about this in her real diary*

[edit]
Augh, I hate getting jealous. I have to drown my jealousy in work now.

Spanglish

2006-01-18T18:05:00.000-05:00

RaVaLAAVa: before using babelfish

Auto response from DragonTiger22: vete por favor, estoy comiendo mi cena, y tengo que hacer mi tarea de ingles que no quiero hacer.

Andrew, especialmente, para preguntaba de mi novio!

(Actual translation: Go away please, I'm eating my dinner and I have to do my english homework that I don't want to do. Andrew, especially, stop asking about my boyfriend!)

RaVaLAAVa: im going to attempt to translate that in my words
RaVaLAAVa: go away please, i am eating my dinner, i have hacer my tarea for english which i do not want hacer

Auto response from DragonTiger22: vete por favor, estoy comiendo mi cena, y tengo que hacer mi tarea de ingles que no quiero hacer.

Andrew, especialmente, para preguntaba de mi novio!

RaVaLAAVa: most especially Andrew, stop bothering about my boyfriend
RaVaLAAVa: lmao
RaVaLAAVa: ok now babelfish time
RaVaLAAVa: holy shit i was pretty dam close

Auto response from DragonTiger22: Ahora, estoy haciendo mi tarea de ingles. Que sorpresa, no? Para algun razon, YO ENTIENDO A WALT WHITMAN. Es muy extrano. Pienso que querio hablar much mas en clase ...pero... mi profesor es Senor Zegers, y el es muy feyo y tonto. :-P

(Actual translation: Now, I'm doing my english homework. What a surprise, no? For some reason, I UNDERSTAND Walt Whitman (!!!!). It's very strange. I think that I want to speak much more in class...but...my teacher is Mr. Zegers, and he is very ugly and stupid. [lol, uncalled for, but I couldn't think of anything]).

RaVaLAAVa: now, i must make task of my english. how sorpresa no? for this reason, i must entiendo walt whitman. it is very extrenuous. I pienso i want much more en clase....but....my professor is Mr. Zegers, and he is very fat? and stupid.

Andrew Hua's interpretation of the first bit:

Andrew Hua Rocks: veto please, I am eating my supper, and I must make my task of ingles that I do not want to do. Andrew, specially, for asked of my fiancè!

Gratia Matteus

2006-01-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

Really, I was so surprised when you gave me the flowers. Thank you so much. They make me feel abnormally happy. It is an amaryllis? It sure looks like one.

Hahahahhaahhahaha. *giddy*

The Snickers might have helped to this state of elation-- but probably not that much. Heh.

Thinking of Matthew makes me think of my unborn novel.
No, novel is not secret-speak for son. Lol.

2006-01-10T04:54:00.000-05:00

I found Jesus fanart on Devi: aqui

AS?LDJAS?JD!

2006-01-10T02:27:00.000-05:00

There must be something wrong with me.

I'll try harder next time.

Progress Report and stuff

2006-01-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

omg no:

I don't seem to have any sort of idea of what I'm going to write when I'm at the title point, which is really a shame since I don't like to change things once I put them down.
I guess I'll start with totally freaking out over the HUNS paper. Although it is only indeed, a draft. I was under the impression that it was due on Friday (even though my gut told me it was wrong), and so made myself believe that it was due on Monday with the long weekend. Hah, but it's actually due on Monday...so nothing works out.
Thailand just has too much crap going on for me to enjoy researching. With Iceland, I had to cherish every bit of information and extrapolate, and heck, those crazy Icelandic names were fun. But Thailand is just a pot ofworms...narcotics, etc, AND I can't seem to get a statement from the Prime Minister-- so bollocks to that.

little things:

I have a new phone (which I think is worse), so don't call my old cell anymore. I'll give out the new number at school.

Civillian Life:

All of a sudden, my mother has started to thrust jewelry upon me. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that things like rings are really cumbersome, and necklaces are great--only I keep losing the charms, or the chains...or both. So being that I'm not a very responsible person, I don't really like to keep such things. But now I've got an Irish ring (which is hysterical because I was looking at the same on in the shop around the corner), and earrings. All I can think about right now though, is that it's very annoying when water gets underneath the ring, and that earrings are going to have to be added to my very tight budget.
I want another weekend to empty out my entire room and clean it...because when I step back and look at it, I realize that it looks like a blown-up bomb shelter.

Something Meaningful:

I have to check out the book again, but it was really interesting. The author said that Atlantis (yes, the Lost Continent) was not in the Atlantic Sea, that the name is just a misnomer since whoever labeled it didn't really know where Atlantis was. Atlantis is actually part of Crete (the rest sunk). I forget exactly what the proof was, since it was 10 chapters long... but it cross-referenced all the big natural disasters in the Mediterranean. Most of the countries had major floods that all coincided with Pliny or Plato's quote that Atlantis was swept under by an enormous flood. Now it's being debated whether it was just a floor, or an earthquake that created tsunamis.
Atlantis also isn't as huge as written to be. It was made to sound like a gigantic continent that would never be able to fit in the tiny Mediterranean, but the measurements were gotten from an Egyptian scholar and a mistake was made in translation to Greek. The numbers all ended up being multiplied by 100, so when they are divided by 100, Atlantis is a much more reasonable size and can be in the Mediterranean.

What I really need to explain this concisely is that damn book. alkjsdakld

2006-01-05T20:38:00.000-05:00

...si yo no lloro...

...si yo no lloro,no,
no estoy llorando.
Es sólo un grito de agua
que se escapa
por entre las fisuras
de mi cuerpo...

Alicia Partnoy

That actually has nothing to do with my current mood. I am not at my peak today, rather that I am feeling peaky, which is completely different.
Oh yes...and as I'm looking through some commonly used British-English words, I think I might just start killing my vocabulary (augment?) by adding don to it. Maybe I'll just call everyone that, that way, Mr. Diaz will be completely flummoxed if I'm referring to him as Don Quixote, or something else. Don means teacher/professor.
Oh, and here's something else I should re-memorize when the time comes around:
That I is INDIA, not INDIGO...even though it sounds better, and that M is actually Mike, that there's a Paper, Uniform, Whiskey, and XRay. And...screw the numbers, I never did them in the first place.

Interesting facts. I don't think a teacher would be embarassed by this, it's something pretty awesome. But...you know, if somehow you hear that she doesn't like being called "fast," just keep your mouth shut:

21st Place Claire Mazzola age: 43 time start: 29:58 time finish: 29:49 miles: 7:27"

I could do the mile way back when at about 8 minutes, this is a snail's pace compared to her. How wicked is that?

And well, while we're on the topic of Latin teachers, let me alert you to something mildly creepy: Unruh Geneology

Yeah and, I'm really creeped out because I don't remember if I went to the meet in 2001 or not. So I could be in this picture...or not. Picture

Basta, estoy terminado ahora.

why i was dead, sorry

2006-01-05T14:43:00.000-05:00

yesterday night, i stayed up until five watching adult swim. it started with family guy then futurama. then i wanted to watch full metal alchemist or at least harvey birdman, but it wasnt what was next for some strange reason. so i decided it might be after that so i watch the x files in the mean time. long story short, i end up "waiting" for full metal alchemist until four in the morning, ie, i watched the x files until four in the morning. one of them was about this guy who had had something cut out of his brain, and didnt sleep for 24 years, and developed psychic powers, and kills people. anyway yeah, that was why i was dead yesterday and couldnt carry on a coherant conversation. i couldnt read either, which turned out to be a problem during the physics, and latin, and history tests.

so sorry i was dead and unresponsive/un-hearing-anything. So Thanks for the Chocolates!!! You were write, were through the first level of hell. of course therere the other seventeen to go...

Life, in General.

2006-01-04T22:11:00.000-05:00

Way to bring down hopes and dreams, then to squelch them under the all-powerful hypothetical foot.

E lyh'd pmysa ajanodrehk uh so bynahdc, pid drao tet ryja y knayd ryht eh ed. Ajan cehla E fyc y csymm lremt, drao't cyo dryd E't palusa y tuldun. Pylg drah, E teth'd ghuf ahuikr du bnudacd...yht huf E cruimt ryja, uhmo E tuh'd ryda ed...pid E ymcu tuh'd ryja y bycceuh vun ed. Vilg dryd, cu fryd ec baubma yna toehk. E's hud kuehk du pa ypma du syga y tevvanahla. Ajah ev E tu, bnyeca dra Munt, dryd fyc uhla eh y semmeuh. Huf E tuh'd ryja rubac, E tuh'd ryja tnaysc, E tuh'd ajah ryja yh imdesyda fecr (kaa dryhgc Pah). E tuh'd ghuf fru E ys, un fru/fryd E fyhd du pa. Ed'c naymmo zicd y pmuuto knayd bucedeuh du pa eh.

I would say that it's not productive to dwell on things. I would say that I can do better, that I can force myself to do better. But at this point, I'm not sure if I care even though there's the feeling of dread growing in my heart. I'm not sure if I need to sometime, even though I know it's my future...

Friends can be friends.
Friends can be complete ignoramuses.

They happened to be the latter today, just utterly. I was about to scream and just stalk off.
Which they probably would have taken as a typical reaction to anything.

I have to get more serious.
If only I could stop hiding.

I hate to think it...say it, write it...but I think Mr. Zegers is right.

New years.

2006-01-01T01:44:00.000-05:00

Series of Matt-pictures:

Matt totally sloshed:
Matt otherwise completely serious:
Matt...uh...psycho Matt:

Series of Me-pictures:

Me slightly zonked, on a killing spree, laughing likea goblin:
Me utterly solemn:
Me...crazy me, or rather, normal plotting me:

Gah, distustingly large, but I didn't want to put in links.
Cross-posted on Matt's blog.

Time Flies

2005-12-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

I feel like it was only yesterday that we just got out of the school hellhole, and now we have to go back again. Sure, you say we've got a few more days, but that's all it is, a few more days!! I'm not ready for order and learning, not yet!

I've been spending hours upon hours at the Flushing library, reading my fines off. So far I got 24 dollars waived, which is 12 hours. You see, I owe my freaken life to the library now. They also refused to believe me when I said there was an amnesty day in April. But I will show them all, I will!!!

Ahh, what else. I sleep at about 10 each night now, but it's such a waste of time, the things I could be doing in the wee hours of the morning. Today I have to go to the library too, so there goes the rest of the day. I suddenly got back into comics, which is wonderful, but also very very bad...they're so time-consuming. But superheroes are great things...*sigh*. Oh, and I read this amazing book on the Moon yesterday, maybe my new story will center around the moon and Raku, who eats the moon (during eclipses). Oh, I don't know. ...I need more reading material, lol. Soon, the Flushing Library will be reduced to nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

too early in the morning

covers face in hands

2005-12-26T20:00:00.000-05:00

I checked my voice-mail today, and found that "Michael, Matt's father" left a message on my phone. Dear god, he heard the joke-greeting I left on my phone, the one that goes "Leave me alone!" and was commenting on it. Not a good way to start the day. Funny, but not very lifting.
Lol.

firemans coffee

2005-12-20T03:28:00.000-05:00

why am i awake at 3 in the morning? and why am i posting on djinn's blog instead of a) studying for my aeneid midterm, or b) writing my term paper? i know it has something to do with the cup of coffee, that i left percolating on the stove for about an hour and a half until it was bluish black. im so losing my voice by tommorrow. thank god if we have a strike the concert will be postponed. see you in the morning, er, later today.

Bonding.

2005-12-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

Really, Zoe and I had a "breakthrough" today. It was...amazing.

DragonTiger22: it means "I love you very much, but then, you knew that already"
zoegreen89: woah, you're feeling direct, unlike most of the time
DragonTiger22: lolllllll
DragonTiger22: be glad you're nota guy
zoegreen89: well *beams* -- why?
DragonTiger22: because then I'd be totally coming on to you.
zoegreen89: *lauxes*
zoegreen89: wait, actually, honestly, you jsut, like --
zoegreen89: God, Chelsea, I'm crying

I hope she doesn't mind that I put this here, but really dearest caballero, I would give up the world for you.

List + Ramble

2005-12-13T18:34:00.000-05:00

I love:

-cheesecake
-sleeping (a lot)
-good stories
-good fanfic
-AMAZING fanart
-well-tuned violins
-getting surprised with good things.
-having free time to daydream with
-really good CD mixes
-ytmnd (Captain Jean-Luc Pi-card of-the-U-S-S Enter-prise)
-Floppies (But no one uses them anymore)
-Switches (you know, flick on, flick off...)
-Pencil Sharpeners
-books
-smooth ballpoint pens
-ribbons (on things)
-construction sets
-ears (don't ask) (especially floppy dog ears)
-cashmere, lol
-velvet
-silk (OMG HAHAHA)
-usb ports and flash drives

I suppose Matt would be under this too, but he's not really a thing........

And like...wtf, news spreading like a wildfire? Not like it was unexpected...but it's kind of like demon spawn, just everywhere!!!

Um. I'm freaking out about the term paper, but I guess I don't have much more of a reason than Matt who has...such a huge reason to be freaking out. Jinsu wrote on xanga something along the lines of:
"YOU KNOW GOD WANTS YOU TO COMMIT SUICIDE WHEN YOU FORGET TO SAVE YOUR TERM PAPER AND YOU ONLY HAVE 1 PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yes well, perhaps Matt should commit suicide to avoid the pain of having to write the paper in the first place. (just kidding) But he (feel better) should feel better that he wasn't Jinsu who had to rewrite the entire thing over again.

...there is my err...good deed for the day.

Stuck on the Q

2005-12-09T22:01:00.000-05:00

Freaken jeepers. Today was rather...interesting.
Matt, Puja, and I got onto the Q to Coney Island for no apparant reason except that we ...felt like it, and we ended up going all the way into Brookyn and then some. It took forever to find a place with a platform that didn't require another ride, and when we did, we went back...and Matt missed his stop. *snort rofl* And Puja and I and Matt bonded, because we went crazy. Honestly, I think being with each other is worse in the long-run for our brains than solitary-confinement.

Lol.

It was fun, in a weird way. I got really tired though, probably because I was hungry... I don't get hungry, I get tired... lol. We really should have eaten out, but whatever. We can never decide on things anyway.

I feel... heh, I feel-- that's all...that's all I need today.

Oh yes, and on the 7, Wankyu and Kyle decided to sit there staring at me until I noticed. Weird, but I noticed 3 seconds after they started. Apparantly, Mr. Batson is THE talk of the town! Lol. When I came home and checked xanga, Jason was talking about him too...rofl.

If only Blogger had the privacy option. I don't think I like all these people reading this stuff anymore... Why does this sort of stuff ALWAYS happen...?

I Eat Brainchildren

2005-12-08T04:55:00.000-05:00

I think today, my title will just have nothing to do with this entry.

It's 5:00 AM. That's right, AM, not PM. I've been up since 3, lamenting how Zoe didn't send me the homework. Fuck. I'm going to call her up right now to piss her off.

I also freezing, because I just ate a really delicious ice-pop. It was good, no mistake, but now my fingers are a little creaky.
Matt stopped responding after a while...I think he died, or crept into a hole somewhere. Talking to Puja, which is always a singularaly weird experience because I'm crazy:

Dragontiger22 (4:50:34 AM): god
Auto Response From Puja (4:50:37 AM): POUT.
am here.

See? That was totally unintentional. While I was lamenting, she was awaying, and look where that got us. Anyhow. I don't have much to say, except that I'm falling behind, and that's never good. I have to be responsible..!!!! *cry*
Oh yes...and that guy I was supposed to meet was like 50 years old. This makes me laugh. it's like travelling to see Zegers.

I just put some new songs on my mp3 player, and am still quite annoyed at Zoe. I have to clean my room, practice digital arting, practice violin, study...study a lot. Write a couple million papers. Potentially apologize to Zegers about yesterday...sigh.

rushing

2005-12-06T19:48:00.000-05:00

Things have changed.
Need to get ahead schedule.

I don't like being rushed.

none

2005-12-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

I want to say something, and I want to say it very badly. But it's only for the very act of hearing it outloud.
Hence...I will not.

This makes me sad.

Looking at my schoolwork makes me sad. In fact, being online makes me sad. And for some reason, I can't restrict comments...this also...pisses me off.

Um.

2005-11-29T23:11:00.000-05:00

Your Birthdate: May 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Stupid retarded survey

2005-11-27T19:19:00.000-05:00

The fifth line of my fifth post is: "I don't really remember, but I used to be such a brainy jerk, lol. Okay, probably no jerk, but I never studied for any"

Maeh. Lame survey man.

English continues to be the bane of my life. ...upon further research, I decided not to do a book by Lee Chang-Rae because every Korean person must have done him one year or another. It's hard to find the right sort of book though. I really hate how the Fiction section is mixed with Literature, so I get all this crap while I'm looking for my book. Then again, I'm not really sure what he wants. There's also the problem of foreign authors who have (somehow) a much better handle of the language and imagination than idiot Americans. (Did I mention I hate American literature? Because I do) I kept looking back at The Life of Pi, and kept smacking myself because I realized the author was not native.
In the end, I bought two books. I'm going to keep the both of them even though one is foreign, and the other is well... it's interesting sounding, but it may not be the right type of book.
Before I ridiculed the due-date of book choice, now I'm thankful for it. It's that damn sort of grace that Zegers gives that's so infuriating. *yowls*

Gah. I was going to write more, but never mind.

Just so you know, the Ungoliant really pissed me off, actually more than Melkor, and nearly as much as Feanor (because Feanor's a fucking idiot). *smile*

Being singularly unproductive.

2005-11-26T21:13:00.000-05:00

I really am you know. And the worst thing is, I'm not doing anything to stop it. I'm actually promoting it:

"Well, you're not supposed to say that! Thats Chelsea’s job! DEMEANING ME AND MAKING ME FEEL AS IF I WERE NOTHING IS CHELSEA'S JOB!"
Alan began to stomp on the ground madly and tripped and fell, sobbing. Wakka gave him a look and finished off the fiends by himself. He scraped up the projectiles on the ground with his foot.
"Here ya are...buddy. But I don't think you're cut out to throw things ya," and walked away.
"...wait. ...It's Chelsea's job to make Alan's life a living hell?" asked Yida.
"Well yeah, we thought you knew. We just never said you were encroaching on her territory since she didn't seem to mind,” said Ben.
"But- But--," Yida didn’t seem to comprehend this.
"I'm god!" he said, thinking it would change everything.
"Technically, but Chelsea holds the keys to everyone's hearts,” said Ben in a very knowledgeable fashion.
"But, I'm god!" Yida insisted.
"Chelsea pwns. No wait, correction: Chelsea > You, infinity to negative 1. In other words, she pwns you...a lot"
Yida was at a loss for words.
"Chelsea's got this crazy claim on all of us you know. She's got all of us wrapped around her finger. I would think it's a girl thing, but she hasn't exactly got the Tifa-deal going on, so I think it’s just singularly unique. You might be god, but she's the Master of the Universe and Beyond," said Ben, sounding like an old Jewish rabbi, "and she's got the keys to everyone's hearts," he added quickly.

Yeah okay, that's a huge exerpt, but don't tell anyone you read it. I will get killed. It's not as funny to anyone else as it is to us, because well...it's a legacy. Lol. But you know, I just typed like 10 more pages of this story on the computer between yesterday and today-- which is pretty scary. Now it's a whopping 59 pages in Word.

I would post a picture, but I haven't taken any recently. Most of the ones I have on the computer are from last year, around Regents time, lol. Maeh. This will suffice. I also waste too much time on Deviant, trying to become a good CGer, but I suck at computer art and would much rather physically draw something... /sad.

I think this is the end, but then of course, that crazy bitch of a man Matt had incited bloglust in me once again.
Excuse me for calling you a bitch...sorta.

Oh yes... and I'm trying this layout out. It's kind of ...annoying for me, it's too washed out. Anyway, results of me making my own layout for blogger turned out horribly. This weird coding is too...livejournal for me, that's about the hugest insult I can give to any sort of html.

- -

2005-11-21T02:11:00.000-05:00

Accusations, false truths--
veiled eyes at one's
own request.
Hopeless abandon, hopeless
quests for what is known;
what is beyond reach(?)

내가 사람 도 조희헤 도, 거 남자 가 모러면 소용업자...
건대, 이거 도 납번말이야. 내가 식식해여듸자나.
자고만 실수하면 어텉깨대냐?

Going Crazy

2005-11-18T16:17:00.001-05:00

Jesus fucking Christ Matt! If you don't write an entry in the next two days, I swear, I will DIE.

Oh yes and, I'm freaking out over term paper stuff. Has it occured to anyone that it's due on the 12/22 of December???

He lay in bed with his hand over his forehead.
The day had been unbearable, and perhaps it had been because he hadn't been able to get the feelings off his chest. He stayed there for a while, thinking about it, listening to his heartbeat, and after a while, he just couldn't live it with it any longer. He dialed her number quickly, and put the receiver to his ear. He heard her pick up, and pushed his hair back as he spoke.

"I just wanted to say...how much I love you"

At the sound of his voice, Chelsea let out a small sigh,
and leaned against the wall.

"Thanks," she said.

Shax '05

2005-11-13T23:24:00.000-05:00

ain't nothing to fuck with.

Ah.... now that it's over... /sniff.
Anyway. A few pictures, and by a few, I mean too little-- since my parents can't take photos very well with the entire cast running all over the stage.

backstage finale:

Recap

2005-11-12T13:26:00.000-05:00

Evan sizzles. Especially when he's got glitter on him.

Anyway. Shakespeare for the past two nights went on splendiferously. My Sevens came to the Friday 4:00 and I saw them all sitting in the center block, they knew it was me I think, lol. Mr. Unruh and Mr. Crouch were also watching!! But I'm not as excited by this as Ravali perhaps was.

The show was excellent by the way. Lol... I did mess up for the first time at the 8:00 show, but it didn't destroy anything, so whew. Although Puck was somewhat traumatized by the fact that she didn't have a broom to "sweep the dust beneath the door".

Shakespeare sold out for the first time that night, we were all crazy about that. They had to turn people away. /smile.

I'm kind of panicking right now though-- academically wise. I know I can do it, but I just feel so unpressured that I can't! Weird, I know. But I just printed out a whole bunch of stuff for HUNS, only I feel as if I'm going to do a terrible job since I don't feel like I hit the jackpot of information like I did when I was researching Iceland. It just feels really wrong. Ugh. And I don't want to show my parents my report card. I've spent the past two nights trying to figure out what my semester grades will be... and I've found that I'm going to have to become a genius in the unsaid subject if I wish to bring up my grade-- a lot.

ON A MUCH BRIGHTER NOTE: Juliet brought me flowers !!!!! I was so surprised! I mean, how sweet is that!? I was just at a loss for words.

Sigh. My life is now in Spanish and Shakespeare, kind of sad when you think about it.

Was incredibly jealous yesterday, but that is shameful, so I will not speak of it.

2005-11-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

SHAKESPEARE TOMORROW!!!!

Yeah okay, shut up, I probably spelt that wrong... but you don't know that.

/so hyped.

Snape's nose=erotic.

(picture removed by request)

Mr. Unruh posing with Ravali = very erotic.

Lol. Not really, it's just parallelism. And this was a little while ago. And uh, those words are so not over his crotch. (I didn't realize it until I saved)

Coldness

2005-11-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

I feel sort of ill right now. Not too much, just barely, I'm on the edge... lol.

So, I have a free now, trying to do some research. Saw Matt as I left Physics, he asked if something was wrong. Yeah, I guess it is, but I laughed it off. I should stop doing that. Then again, I should stop blowing things out of proportion.

Ugh.

Mr. Ling cut his hair. And as Kuby said, he "looks a little corporate". He looks older. It makes me sad. I think often of how all the people that I admire will grow old and die when I'm at the prime of my life/adulthood. I spend too much time on things like that...and they just bring me down. Not that down, but it accumalates over time, and there's probably 1 day in a few months that I get semi-depressed about it.

Wow...Nigeria is just depressing. Actually, kind of annoying. Because I have to become as knowledgable as a diplomat from there by next week...ugh...not feeling well.

Blog sometime later.

Oh Matt

2005-11-06T18:37:00.000-05:00

Matthew, I would like to say that you totally messed up your survey thing by not filling all the parts in and not filling some of them in completely, do you realize I thrive on knowing weird thing about other people??!!

10 years ago i was:
-6 years old and in second grade I'm assuming; I was the pet of the school.
-I don't really remember, but I used to be such a brainy jerk, lol. Okay, probably no jerk, but I never studied for any of my exams because I always knew the words and things without anyone telling me. Lol.
-I was a very happy child, I never had any worries or anything. Kinda weird now that I think about it.
-I used to be able to walk to school.

5 years ago i was:
-9 and what, 5th grade??? I wasn't apprehensive about changing schools or college.
-playing violin with this really nice chinese woman, but hating her at the same time.
-loved Sailor Moon.
-Didn't know what anime was.
-Had a next-door neighbor that I used to play with. She was older than me, but so wonderful and we played all sorts of ridiculous games in my backyard. Her name was Leila.

1 year ago i was:
-in 10th grade. Freaked out about everything.
-close friends with Zoe, Stephanie, Ravali, Justine, Angela, Miko, and Ben. But I'm closer to them now. Lol.
-watching Kare Kano from Alan.
-believing I wasn't going to Prom.
-not in any major school activies, big surprise now huh?

yesterday i was:
-at school from 10:00 to 4:00
-in Manhattan until 6:00 with Zoe at Barnes and Noble, and we saw Bill Weasly.
-Deadly ill because the headache from the cold set in and I was delirious when going back home.
-asleep at 8:00 because I was sick.
-thinking about this person, wondering why things were the way they were...because well, they sucked.

5 snacks i enjoy:
-saltine crackers.
-wasabi peas
-frozen dark chocolate bars (with a lot of milk)
-lemonade
-rice...lol

5 songs i know ALL the words to:
-The Wicked soundtrack
-The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack
-It's a Sin by the Petshop Boys
-Until by Sting (really nearly anything by Sting)
-Promise Land by some Japanese person for FFII

5 things i would do with 100 million dollars
-pay off my apartment's morgage
-pay for college
-buy myself a meeting with Alan Rickman...somehow.
-Buy a personal island
-give to my friends something they wanted for all of their lives.

5 place i would run away to:
-Zoe's place.
-Somewhere in Great Neck
-The Met
-LL's place, lol.
-a school.

5 things i would never wear:
-a halter top
-those sponge-platform flip-flops, they're absolutely ridiculous.
-bikini
-earrings, no problems with them-- I'm just never going to get my ears pierced, that's all
-thong, rofl.

5 favorite tv shows:
-Futurama
-Star Trek: Voyager
-Stargate: SG-1
-Lost
-Commander in Chief

5 bad habits:
-procrastination.
-not wearing my retainer.
-not using lotion all the time.
-not eating healthy
-staying up late.

5 biggest joys:
-SLEEPING
-drawing (and producing something good)
-generally anything where I feel as if people appreciate me.
-singing and dancing, though I don't do it an awful lot.
-talking to my knight.

5 fictional characters i would date:
-dr. fraiser, sg1 (it really sucks they killed her off) OMFG MAT, YOU WATCH STARGATE. AND I KNOW, I WAS LIKE WTF BITCH WHEN SHE DIED. but anyway!!! Jack is so hot.
-Boromir, from LOTR
-Snape, from Harry Potter
-Numir, from the Immortals Quartet
-Harry Kim, ST: Voy.

5 people i tag to do this:
-the fact of the matter is, I don't have five people to tag.
-
-
-
-

My Really Quite Bad Day

2005-11-05T01:09:00.000-05:00

So today was like...a day out of hell. I don't really want to talk about it, but I guess for some sort of explanation, I'll just say that I got yelled at by a teacher before school even started, and then for first period Mr. Diaz was being an imbecile and didn't give me credit for classwork which I did. It's not our fault he's deaf and we're in the back of the room. Then there was a math test which I better have done well on. After that, Physics was good because Ms. Creedon is amazing. Then auditions for orchestra, which I wasn't ready for, and then Shakespeare, which I just got home from.

To top it all off, and actually, what started it, was me being sick.

I hate how I get blamed for everything even though I know it's my fault. I mean... Kuby just completely crushed me this morning. I never want to speak to her again, which is also terrible. She says the exact words to cut through me and I hate that, but I also love it. Why?! Oh god, I just ... today was possibly the very first day I ever wanted to harm her in any way.

Oh yes, I screamed at Miko and Matt today. Sorry. I need to get it out of my system. I realize I must have sounded incredibly bitchy, mean, and hysterical, which I was at the time, I just didn't know how to react otherwise.

Now that I think about this day again, I might have been well...overreacting. I certaintly didn't think so before, but maybe I could have been more cool about it. I didn't have to go crazy...I think. Or rather, it's better for this to have happened now than later on when emotions really get bottled up. Yes... that's it. The only thing that really bothers me now is how my attitude towards those certain teachers is going to change. I hate it when everything starts to go downhill, especially when you've known them, as well as you can know a teacher, for years. It's such a waste, such a shame.

So...this is kind of what I was like today: Angry face

Zoe and I went through a very strange time-warp today.... we could have sworn we spent three hours together in the hallway, but then I checked the time, then asked her to because it was so weird, and it was only 3:25 PM. Strange. We were very disoriented after that.

I have the sudden urge to write poetry, which I really wish to refrain from, since I stopped writing it because 1, I was angsty back then, and 2, it was really quite bad.

Damp dark hair, shreds of curtains
between the two, standing--
falling, stumbling, into
sweet impressions of
the other
-By C.S. Jin

Mm yeah. It's very strange rhythym and crap. Deal.

P.S: oh I'm really kind of...upset now. Not in the way I was at school. It's just another thing to add to my list, the straw that broke the camel's back eh? I mean...why. I mean, it's fair I guess... but you'd think that you'd get something for yourself...and then you realize that school isn't the only place where people are people. It's always my fault anyway. I either think too much, or am not considerate at all. But it's makes me sad all the same. To be idealistic, and hope for things, and to realize that everything you dreamt up can never be real. I'm being a blithering idiot, I'll go draw something now. It'll do good to shut me up for a while.

2005-11-02T23:21:00.000-05:00

I can't be incredibly er, deep, like Matt... I've spent the past ten minutes thinking of a topic to write about as I do my Spanish homework. The only thing I've come up with so far is that I love Spanish even though at times it's slaughtering my grade. I would also find it absolutely drop-dead hilarious if I became a Spanish teacher somehow in the future. /cheesy smile.

I want to post pictures, but my parents are crazy about me not doing dumb things on the computer. They'd know I was blogging if they saw me editting photos. So...I am sad.

Zegers is getting cataracts removed...so he's out this week. Matt, Angela, and I now realize that his "tunnel vision" must have been why he's such a weirdo and keeps whirling his body around at random times. Dammit, now Angela can't not pay attention in class and not get caught!!!

I don't know what my bandwidth is yet...so whatever. But it's Jesus, being crucified, with lights around him. We thought this was pretty funny (in a sick way) so we took a picture of it.

Cheerio.

On the Subject of having no subject.

2005-11-02T00:14:00.000-05:00

I ...um. I still haven't done my extra credit, and it's supposed to be an essay, so I guess I'd better start now. I don't know what's wrong with me. My circadian clock is off???

Ugh.

I need to take more pictures though, I hardly have any to rifle through when I'm in such a state. Most of my pics are silly blackmail pics, lol.

This kid was just randomly bothering Zoe, Justine, Angela, and I. He was cute, although I'm sure his mother didn't think so at the time, she must have been SO embarassed! And we just kept encouraging him... lol. This was ages ago though... hopefully no one comes screaming about how I'm putting up a picture of their kid without their permission.

Hm okay. 1:26 AM. I just finished the Extra Credit. But my god, if I were Chapnick, I wouldn't give myself credit. Of course, I hope she does, but what I wrote doesn't deserve it. Honestly though--- "contextualizing" an image in terms of the time period? Doesn't that just scream out for bullshit? That has to be the most vague sentence ever. I started ranting about Transcendentalism and how it connected to the picture, but actually didn't.

...I'm on a nighthigh right now, so I don't want to go to sleep, but I know I'll regret it later. So I guess I'm leaving. Sigh.

_edit_

Copied from Xanga:

Tell me how sick this is:

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=1231684&page=1&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

http://www.prussianblue.net

If you want incentive to go and send hate mail or
whatever, it's these two twin girls, younger than us
I think, by the names of Lynx and Lamb, which if you
read the first link, an article, you will realize why it's
funny in this perverse way... because they are
"self-proclaimed" white nationalists, etc, and are
putting out CDs supporting Hitler. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Starting Anew

2005-11-01T22:57:00.000-05:00

It's probably terrible for my physical and mental health to now have... let's see 1..2..3..4... online journals at the same time.

I blame it all on Matt. I mean really. What else did you expect, dragging me back to blogger or whatever the hell this site is called? I mean...geez... and this place is all security crazy which is driving ME crazy.

The problem now is that I won't have anything to write about except for the same old rambling about work. See, I'm not all philosophical like Matt is, or I don't choose to show it because usually philosophical stuff is so incredibly shallow. And therefore, nothing to say. And if I DO have something to say, I'll have nothing for my other things. Great...just bloody friggin great.

I guess I could write random fanfic here instead of sending it to Zoe. 'course she'd get pissed as an irishman in a bucket--but whatever.

I made that up, but I like the sound of it. Lol.

Let's see... rundown of the work I need to do:
-physics hw and lab, easy peasy.
-math hw and test study, uh... I'd better start.
-Spanish hw and study, meh, I'm okay, I love spanish--even though it doesn't love me.
-SS EC, I NEED TO DO THIS NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW.

Watch this become one of the things I write the most in. Um... I'm going to try and give myself topics to write about that, since you know-- that seems very responsible and organized, which I am... right